Ground Floor

I missed school today because I've been sick most of the weekend and I had all intensions of getting alot done today, while nursing my cold, before finals. Of course, I did nothing all day. Well I did masturbate ALOT!!! I slept till around 12p.m. and got out of bed to pee and check e-mail and stuff and then back until 1:30 or so. Next I had left-overs from Mac Grill for lunch. Then I basically read blogs and looked at tons of porn. It was a lazy, rainy, smut filled day. I have to go to school tomorrow though, blah.

I don't know how many of you listen to Howard Stern; I know he's tacky and childish, but I listen everyday. And let me introduce you to one of his staff members, KC Armstrong. He's very cute and very ultra masculine, but there are some suspicions that he is gay. Good deal huh?

He's sorta dumb but many of the really hot ones are. I've listened to Howard since I was in 8th grade, and have pretty much followed KC over the years. He recently posed for a German photographer who later released the "KC poster" and it features a barely clothed KC, all glistening and yummy.

You see, I spent a few hours today catching up on what's he's been doing and also checking out his new pictures; so much for getting things done today. Go and check out his pictures and read all about him. He's worth it. If you like guys that look like him, you will definitely like his other pictures. I know I do.

Also, I've come to the conclusion that I'm a whore for good porn. I was on Fleshbot today, which up until today I thought was highly over rated in regard to content. Today that all changed, and I was born again. That nifty site has tons of links to great amateur content, which is my favorite. I like real guys doing naughty things. Videos, picture just about anything will do. So yeah, I will definitely be busy for a few days going through everything of interest. I would post a few links but really everything at Fleshbot is worth a look. I gave the link to the gay side of Fleshbot, because that's all I care about. Whoop.

It’s time for bed, I just took some Sudafed, and that puppy has finally kicked in so I best be sleeping while I can breathe. I have a crush on a blogger, I’ll explain later, maybe.

So I joined that Classmates.com web site just curious as to how well/bad off my ex-classmates actually are. All are very much as I expected them to be; married, children the whole deal. This one stuck out in my mind. Mr. Barry ******, was a very nice and attractive young man. We were friends, band mates, and acquaintances. After graduation, we both went on the high school band trip to Florida, I saw him naked on that trip (non-sexual). I had a crush on him and blah. He was dating another friend and they went off to East Texas Baptist University together. She made it on a softball scholarship and he went there to be with her. As we all know, they broke up shortly after, and Barry sorta fell into a deep depression. Drinking, drugs, parting, and attempted suicide, needless to say he soon returned home to live with his parents. The girl also returned, after she found out she didn't really want to play softball (she's not lezbo enough). So I had heard all of this about Barry and was really worried about him. I saw him about 2 years ago during Christmas break. He looked bad and very skinny, and then there were the gay rumors surfacing. I heard at one point he was living with his very gay and open boyfriend. He was the catcher, so too speak. I have no idea if this was a fact or not, I just take it for what's it worth and consider the sources. Ok, fast forward a year; he was busted for the production and intent to sell meth. So he was in lotsa trouble and charged, and I have no idea what ever happened there. Fast forward to today: I found his profile on Classmates.com and he apparently lives in Canada now, has a kid, and drives a sedan. This strikes me as funny and odd, I'm just surprised. I don't see him settling down and all, and certainly not in Canada, maybe he's on the run. Oh well, it's nice to see how people are doing, and maybe I'll even send him an e-mail and catch up. Probably not. We have a runion in 4 years, so I'll wait till then.

Talked to kim for about an hour while exploring the Classmates.com thingy. She was also very much crushin on Barry in High School. We basically spent our time reading profiles and then spent time creating fabulous profiles for ourselves, so we can prove we are better than everyone else. We have fabulous fake lives!!!

This is a fav pic of mine. Kinda reflects the way I felt when I was younger, or at least the way I wish I could have been. I was so sheltered as a child. I attended a Christian school for over eights year and that made me a good person, but it did not really prepare me for the real world. We were not allowed to experience normal things that most kids go through. We had no teasing, which can be good, but once I finally entered public school, I had no idea how to with stand the constant insults or even how to deal later on. I had never ever been victim of that kinda stuff. I was naive, and too nice. I still am most of the time. I'm a push over and try to please everyone. I've gotta change that, at least the push over part, and soon.

So the "tennis" flyer is gone. I went to check on it today and was going to take a snap shot and post it on here just for my archives. It's no more. I hope Josh found the sorta player he was hoping for.

I think I'm having heart problems. Recently, my heart has been racing alot. I can feel the pounding in my chest, but not in my pulse. Maybe I can't pick it up because I can actually feel the speed of it in my chest. It hurts sometime. Irregular heart problems can be found on my mother's side so I guess I'll have to make an appointment with a Dr. to check it all out. Just another sign of getting old. I'm only 23 but sometimes, I just feel antique. We actually talked about that in class last night. My teacher was talking about taking care of your joints. He's 50 and talking about knees injuries. He then asked how many of us had joint problems and stuff. Nearly the entire class raised their hand. I have arthritis in my hands something fierce. It's from the work I used to do. I was a visual design/merchandizing person for about 5 years I guess. Since late '99 up until late 2003, so 4 years. I was more or less an assistant. We did store windows and displays for both retail and wholesale showrooms. I loved it alot, but it is hard on your body, you constantly are working with your hands and up and done on your knees, and being as young as I am I have no regard for my youth I guess. Now I'm paying the price. I have a shitty knee, which has not given me alot of problems lately, and the worst hands ever. I can't hold a pencil for more than ten minutes. Hot it's it? Oh well, I loved the work and will probably go back to that some day.

Bobby also told me I had little wrinkles around my eyes, so botox will make a great Christmas gift. I will probably most like be completely grey by the time I'm 30. My mom was grey by 25 and my grandmother was grey at 30, and my dad was grey around 27 from what I hear. So yeah I don't care about the grey as much as the wrinkles. It just makes you look wiser, right?

I got this survey thing from a guy I was once very much in love with, his name is Mike. So I'll share I suppose. You know these things, you fill them out and send them to everyone and then wait for them to respond with their answers. This is not a very good one, but I don't care.

1. What time is it? 10:55

2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? MorganBryan

3. Any nicknames? Morgie, Peaches

4. Parents' names? R & L

5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake? None, but I’m
23

6. Date that you regularly blow them out? March 20th

7. Pets? none

8. Tattoos? Nope

9. How much do you love your job or jobs? Don't Ask

10. Ever had a car accident? Nope

11. Your fault? See above

12. Favorite vacation spot? San Francisco, Seattle, Any west coast area of the US

13. Ever been to Africa? Nope

14. Ever Stolen anything? Yep

15. Croutons or Bacon bits? Croutons

17. Coffee or juice? Juice

18. Favorite Salad Dressing? Ranch

19. Favorite type of car? Anything that gets good gas mileage

20. Favorite type of movies? Comedy

21. Favorite Holiday? Christmas

22. Favorite Food? Mexican/Chinese

21. Favorite day of the week? Any day I can sleep in.

24. Favorite song? No favorite, I like everything

25. Favorite TV Show? Any of those gay shows on Bravo, and Nip/Tuck

26. Favorite toothpaste? Crest

27. Most recently read book? The Birgman's Guide To Wine, Beer and Spirits.

28. Perfume/Cologne: Boss

29. Favorite scent? My house

30. Favorite Fast Food place? Chipotle, and MacDonald’s.

31. When was your last hospital stay? I stayed there over night with my Grandma, a year ago.

32. How many times did you fail your driver's license exam? 0

33. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? No clue

34. What do you do when you're bored? Survey thingy's

35. Who will respond the fastest? No clue, I would expect no one really.

36. Furthest place you sent this message? To Mike

37. Least likely to respond? see above.

I can honestly say that I don't have a political bone im my body and this is my first attempt. I wanted to present the other side, but I couldn't find anything possitive on the enviroment issue to save my life. Good Times!!

Play Tennis?
I need a guy to hit around with!
Contact Josh 214-405-****

This is a rather large flyer posted in the mail area of my apartment. Why is this important and what's my question? Well this is the third guy asking for a "tennis" partner, in roughly a month. So is this a new way of hooking up? Because I think "tennis" is code for hot man on man action. I could be wrong, but just the wording seems erotic and makes me feel tingly in my pants. It could be legit, but I have a feeling that it's the new craze to hook up via the bulletin board at your local postal center. I mean, it's just odd that this is the third posting; I have a dirty but curious mind. Tennis anyone?

Speaking of Josh’s, does anyone remember Josh Henderson of the ever so popular and infamous Popstar 2 creation known as Scene 23? Well here’s a reminder.

So yeah, don’t really know why I was thinking of him the other day, oh yeah, he was on an episode of She Spies, the other night. I don’t watch that show, it just so happened to come on after something I was watching and he caught my eye. Soon I remembered where I had seen him. Here he is busting a move on Popstar 2.

He’s fierce, don’t you think? You know, maybe he's the Josh who wants to play tennis here at my apartment; he is from Texas after all! Here's another pic, also here.

So today was not very eventful, I went to school, drank whiskey in beverage survey today. All were not so good; however I did enjoy one, but I can't be bothered with the name right now. Then it was Finance time. So he lectured for 3 hours and then we got our tests returned from last time. I made a 95, so that basically means I don’t have to go to class again till the final. I will go though. I sorta like that class. Then I drove home and ate MacDonald’s and watched everything TiVO was so kind to have recorded in my absence. Well I didn't watch Nip/Tuck just yet. I need to have plenty of time so I can concentrate and enjoy the show. Blow Out is pretty good. I like Brandon alot. He's hot. Also watched Queer Eye, and I don’t know why, but Thom is sooooo hot to me. He makes me wet, I swear. It's odd I know, but I would play "tennis" with him any day!

So that's me at about 4 years old. Believe me it's all down hill from there. I can remember the day that picture was taken. We went to the local grocery store, at that time they took pictures there once a year. I have complete anthologies of picture from birth till about 6 or so al taken at the store, some where near the meat section (joking). Anyway that day, it was raining and I didn't like to get wet or dirty or anything and I did not want to smile. Finally my mother's friend got that out of me. That little smirk of sorts. Every pic that day had the same face. Yup I'm cute.

Ok so here’s some info on me. I was born in the early 80's to a single mother, I was a Love Child. Scandal. So my dad was never in the picture, even though he lived in the same small town at the time. He would call and I would answer the phone. I thought he was a dirty old man because he had the deepest voice I can ever remember; he would ask to speak to my mother and I would tell her "it's the weird guy". I did not know until I was 13-14 that it was him calling. By this time the calls had stopped and we never really heard from him much after that. My mom never got any money from him, he never came to an event I was in during high school and to be honest, if he was there, I would not have known because I really had no idea what he looked like. At around 17-18 my grandmother show me a picture of him, and also some newspaper clipping of his other children. My half brother and sister. Wow, so I had siblings, who knew. I did not really know what to do at that point. So my junior year, my brother's wife was my chemistry teacher. Turns out they had two children and she was pregnant with a third. So now I have a niece and a nephew and a question mark!?! Wow, ok, good deal. So graduation comes, and I'm off to college.

So present day, I have no relationship with my dad, brother, or sister. See that whole time it was all a secret, or at least, something none of us talked about. The last time I was at home, I went out for a late dinner with friends to a neighborhood cafe, and my dad was there. To be honest I don't think he even realized.

To tell the truth, I'm not sure I would want to know them or be in their lives. I'm just not interested in getting to know them now. My dad had a choice well before I did, on whether he wanted to be in my life. He chose, as far as I know not to be involved. Maybe my mom didn’t allow him to be involved. No clue. I used to ask my mom questions about him when I was really young, but she would get very angry and not talk to me for days at a time. That's pretty damaging for a young kid, I think. After that happened a few times, I just stopped asking. So blah, Happy Father's Day Everyone!!

Matthew darling, you're profile is not available, and can I say you made my day. You are my first and only comment to date and I'll give ya a big 'ol kiss on the cheek for that...and when I say kiss I mean lick and when I say cheek, I mean....well you know!!! Hit me back with an e-mail any time. I would <3 to hear from ya! That goes for everyone!

I have not had the energy to post lately due to my lack of sleep and my over studying for the big finance test tonight. I was over prepared really. It took an hour to finish the whole thing and I checked everything like 3 times just to make sure the answers were indeed correct. So blah, it should be an easy grade.

More beer talk: we sampled 6 different import beers yesterday. All were pretty good and all were something I would drink again. I'm not really a big beer fan, but recently I've developed a slight liking to pretty much anything I drink. I'm not picky really, but usually I'll drink the girl beers or something mixed, or you know, I just like diet coke. This class has been good for me, I've found at least two wines I enjoyed to some degree and about 20 beers I can drink in public and not feel ashamed to hold in my hand. All of these were strong European beers, darker, richer, and they all cost quite abit more. The most expensive was about $7-$9 a bottle, but it was well worth it. It was a beer made in a traditional manner, but during the second fermentation the brew masters add raspberries to the brew and this actually creates a fruity wine flavor rather than a hoppie beer. It was the best. In my opinion anyway.

I’ve realized, I have no idea what I will do in December once I graduate. I will have a degree in Hospitality Management (SMHM), and also in Business, and I really am scared about the future job hunt. Shortly after deciding to get into the SMHM program, I discovered that I generally hate people. Also being in this industry will really do me no good; I don’t want to work nights, nor weekends, I would rather not work holidays, I want a job much like the one I had previously. We go in by 10am, have breakfast and chat till 11am, work from 11am-12pm, then lunch from noon till 2pm, coffee and desert till 3pm, work 3pm-4pm and home by 5pm. So as you can see I’m in no way equipped to deal with the hours of the Hospitality Industry. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very hard and productive worker, but I don’t think we’ll mesh. I’m really getting the degree in hopes that one day I will go into the freelance design part of the industry; maybe consulting on layout and flow, as well as the financials of it all. One thing is for sure: I bet I’ll have to create my own little groove in the market, and develop a place for myself.

I have the worst head-ache right now. It's starting to decrease in pain abit, but I'm about to pass out for the night. Bobby comes home tomorrow; we have dinner plans this weekend with the girls and then an emergency redecorating at Colleen's apartment. Thanks god it's Thursday, my weekend starts now.

I really like country boys. You see, I grew up in the country where cows and horses and gun racks in your truck were common everyday necessities. To outsiders this seems as strange as, well this guy. Just a few examples; we had an area at my high school were you could park a horse trailer, right next to the tennis courts. Everyone had a big truck; well anyone who was anyone had a diesel. The tighter you wore your starched wranglers the better, and the hottest area of town was the parking lot in front of the city courthouse. This is where the “A” list people could be found. Only the best parties, occurred in a pasture, and the drink of choice was beer or trash can punch. I know a lot of people can feel where I’m coming from. I sorta miss the whole idea. Don’t get me wrong, I was in no way apart of the in crowd in high school. I was voted shyest and was in band and drama and on the academic team, and wranglers are cut all wrong in certain areas, but I miss that small town feel sometimes. I was talking to my mom tonight; see calls me at least once a week to fill me in on the town gossip: Who died? Who’s getting married? Who’s getting divorced? Who’s in trouble with the law? The usual, need to know stuff. The reason I bring this up was, today in class we had the fine people from Budweiser come and speak to us on the ins and outs of beer production here in the US. We also had the opportunity to sample five of their fine quality beverages. Okay, the point again was, two on the bud reps. were extremely hot and very much the country boys. Both were in the wrangler jeans, both had on boots and both had the southern draw as they spoke. I have that too, but that’s another entry. They just reminded me of the good ‘ol boys at home in the country, which lead to this big rambling mess. Blah.
So we sampled:

1) Budweiser (original)
2) O’doul’s
3) Michelob Ultra
4) Redhook ESB
5) Bacardi Lemon

All were good and all I would drink again. Just goes to show that I’m not picky. I really like this class; I leave everyday with a mini buzz, I’m getting an education on alcohol, and the TA is hot, so it’s all good.

So I was going to change the profile pic again but due to some reason that will have to wait. I'll just keep the one I have for the time being. Also the goal’s list is coming. I actually have not even started, so add that to the goals of tomorrow.

Making your own LUBE (cont.)

OKRA!
Simply place okra (a vegetable) under hot water. It will become extremely slippery. Put your hand on your penis and you're ready to go.

JELL-O LUBE
A recipe for a homemade Jell-O-based lubricant:
1 cup of water
1 cup of baby oil
1 packet of Jell-O (any flavor)
Throw all of these ingredients into a blender and mix until smooth. Then pour, and away you go! (Note: This lube is incompatible with condoms; the oil will dissolve the latex.)

ALBOLENE FOREVER
An excellent lube is Albolene, which can be found at the drug store in some parts of the U.S. The jar, which has a blue and green label, says it's a "liquefying cleanser," but there's no soap in it. It's made for removing make-up, but it's terrific for masturbating. Apply a small amount, and you're good for an hour with no drying out — and it wipes off with a towel easily, leaving no stains. One important thing to remember about Albolene, however, is that it not to be used with condoms, since it's not water-based. Also note: Albolene seems to be sold only in certain parts of the U.S.; it may not be available on the West Coast or other parts of the world.

Just thought I would continue with a few more amusing lube ideas. I've never tried any of these, nor will I. The trusty ID Glide and ID Millennium work fabulously for me, but these are just suggestions when one finds oneself in a pitch.

So we saw Harry Potter tonight, and it was quite good, but I love those whimsical sorta movies, and I fancy the music quite abit as well. One thing comes to mind when watching however, that kid is growing up alot and I'm not sure how much longer he can play the part, but he's still convincing, so it's all good.

I cried during the Reagan funeral. I just could not help it. I really have no opinion on him, since I was born the year he became president, but more or less I cried for the family, mostly Nancy cause I like her. A few odd moments :

1) The army band, at times, was ushering in the New Year! I mean we must pick a mood. Either funeral or de-virginising rock concert.
2) Did anyone else notice that the adopted son seems to be of no concern of the rest of the family. He's the red headed step child so to speak. He spoke and no one really cared or at least it seemed that way, and when he was viewing the casket, the other family members moved on and then his wife and children came and really it just appeared that he didn't belong. It was awkward to say the least.
3) Also, Ronny Jr. is a big 'ol queen. Now he doesn't really sound queenly when he speaks, but he sure looked like one on the sidelines. He is a ballet dancer.

I thought the service was really nice.

I watched the new Bravo show called Blow Out last night, on my HOLIEST of TiVo nights. You see many regular people would go have dinner and to a club of sorts on Friday not this fine specimen. I stayed in, and fondled my best friend (TiVo). So the show was over all entertaining. I did speed through a few parts and I was disappointed with Jonathan. He looked considerably more attractive in the promos, than he did in the show, and he’s not gay which was a complete surprise to me. I’m not really hip on many things anymore. So I added it to my season pass thingy and will watch honorably.

Speaking of, I got the mop cut today, so I feel lighter. I'm also making a list of goals for the next year and will soon be posting those in here so that I will perhaps have a better chance of accomplishment. I hope to have a new design coming up shortly, I have to do it all on paper and then try and duplicate it in here. We'll see. Don't expect that before a few weeks. Finally I started reading a few new blogs today. All are operated by beautiful boys who I one day wish to become. It's sad I know, but I have this need to model myself after them. I'm just Joking!!

Edit : It's raining again.

I had a finance test today, it was not that bad. However on the way home I kept thinking about this one problem on the test and as soon as I pulled into my parking space...I remembered exactly how to do it and basically figured that the way I worked it was wrong and it was possibly the easiest question on the test. I skipped beverage survey today to allow for a little study time, we had an exam in there yesterday, so it's all good.

I was cleaning out my e-mail folders today, trying to keep everything organized and such…and I came across this letter from a girl I was very much in love with. Yes, I loved a girl and in some way I still do. I could see myself being married to her, but never could I have sex with her. Here's the letter just for my archives.

hey boy!!
i miss u tons, i was just thinkin bout u and how crazy u are! i am about to start my second year at baylor here in waco...i have lived here all summer, i have two jobs, and i just got back from thailand with my family. fun vacation to say the least. where are u? how are u? when can i see u? i just really wanna talk to you. give me your number and your address cause i am comin baby!! REALLY tho. haha. guess who i randomly saw in the waco mall the other day...barry freakin prince, him and his jail daddy self.haha neways...it was crazy. ok, so write me back asap so i can plan a trip to wherever the heck you are. be good sweetie
love, em

I would do anything for her, I never replied, this was received on 8/4/2003 at 4:37 pm.

On another note, I also found this slightly amusing e-mail with some "handy" advice.

Making your own LUBE

Nope

BABY OIL GEL
In the drug store, look for Baby Oil Gel. It's smoother than Vaseline but washes up easily, with just a little soap. It's also slicker than baby oil (and not as thin), water resistant (great in the shower), and leaves your hands and penis smooth and soft. And it's inexpensive. You might also try adding a little conventional baby oil to it: Put some gel on your hand, and then add a few drops of baby oil on your palm, and spread it around. The cleanup seems a little easier compared to just the gel.

ULTIMATE MASTURBATION FLUID
Mix together the following ingredients:
1 teaspoon baby oil
2 tablespoons Vaseline Intensive Care hand lotion
2 tablespoons facial cream (cold cream, etc.)
3 tablespoons aloe vera (the green stuff) 1 tablespoon Campho-Phenique canker-sore-numbing ointment (optional)
Get in the shower, and smear some of the fluid all over your penis and scrotum or anywhere else you want. Then get some more and put it all over your hands. Use the grip that makes you most comfortable, and enjoy. This is not something to try without being in the shower, as it can get messy.

SLICK-ACTION LUBE
Ingredients:
3 soup spoons of mayonnaise
1 teaspoon clove-oil extract
1 cup olive oil
1/2 large tube K-Y Jelly
Mix ingredients well in a bowl. With your hand, pick up a large glop and place your penis into it. Begin to stroke. It's messy but cool, soothing, and the clove oil gives your erection new rigor.

These are just a few. There are more, I'll post'em later.

I think I’ve been in a slump for about 4 years now, maybe longer. It all really started when I moved away to college. I couldn't wait to get out of my mom's house. Don't get me wrong, it was never her that made me want to leave, but more like the small town mentality that didn't really fit me. That mentality kept me bottled up as a person. However, every since the first semester I've never really been myself. Moving did not change who I was, it just helped me too change my view and realize; people are very much the same no matter where you live. So I thought being in a new larger place would change me and then change everyone else. It hasn't and it could not have been farther from the truth. Recently I've felt very disconnected from my friends. I mean all friends, even people from high school, which I grew up with. Being from that small town, we all knew each other and our parents might have even grown up together. I've pretty much been non existent to most everyone from the past, many are/where some of my closest friends. It's been so bad that one of my very best friends also goes to UNT and we once lived in the same building. Now we have not seen each other or even talked in about 3 years. I'm not even sure if he's graduated or still in the area. That's sad to me, and still I do nothing to change things. I want to talk to him, but I’m not sure what to say. I just feel we've grown apart now instead of growing up together. I'm gay and he knows that, his family and a few mutual friends have told me. He even said "I wish Morgan would just talk to me, and tell me he's gay." You see, I don't tell anyone, ever. Wes needs to ask me and then I'll be glad to tell him. I miss him alot, as well as other friends. Another friend, April, calls all the time, but I don't want to answer the phone. We don't have anything in common much anymore. She's married, with a kid, and she just wants to be nosey. She's heard threw the grapevine about me and still leaves messages like, "I guess you're busy with all those GIRLS." Yeah, I’m busy fixin their hair and helping them pick out a bra to make the tits pop up and out. I guess by big deal is lying to them, I want them to care enough to ask and then maybe I’ll talk with them again and share some stuff about me, now. I have a few more friends (that I wish I were still in touch with) but I won't go into that now.

We've had a shit load of rain these past 9 days. Some areas have had 12+ inches. Another front of showers is actually on its way into the area tonight. I'm not even sure if I’ll be able to go to school tomorrow because of flooding and road closures. It very strange haw the weather has been around here the last two years. This makes me think of the polar ice caps melting and changing weather patterns, leading to "The Day After Tomorrow." We have not had that much rain at my house, but I know Denton was getting about 3 inches an hour. So blah.

The Reagan funeral proceedings have been all over TV today. I watched most of it actually. I don't really remember him as president. I don't really have a clear idea of what he did, or even if I have a real opinion of him and a person, but I do know that he was old and had a disease that consumed him everyday for ten years. It was his time to go and Nancy is still fabulous!

I ran into someone today. An acquaintance if you will. We go to school together and are actually in the same major. The problem really starts when I found his Live Journal. You see, from the moment I met this young gorgeous man, I could only assume he was gay. We first met in a class we were both taking. In my major we have the problem of over introducing ourselves numerous times to everyone in our classes. Since we are hospitability management major, it is in our nature (forced or not) to be friendly and get to know everyone around you. He's stands up and says, "Hi I'm, *****, and I'm a 23 y/o, graduating in December. Well his lisped good looks made me very aware of his sexual preference, but in the back of my mind I was never 100% sure. We exchanged a few special moments in class, and soon that meant we were dating. RIIIIIGHT!!!! (flash forward to now). Well a few months ago I met a young man online Eddie and through association on his journal I found *****'s journal as well. So my assumptions were correct he is gay, and still cute, and very nice. Maybe one of the nicest people I have ever met. So here's the problem?!?! I saw him today, walked right past him in the parking lot; he was in a green shirt and jeans and puma's or something. I bet you, he doesn't even remember my name. But you see I want to talk to him, and be his friend and mostly tell him I read his journal and want to hang out and all that jazz, but should I? Should I assume he's ok with that? Should I tell him? Should I just leave well enough alone and be a lonely stalker reading his life online and just pretending I really know him? I'm sure a fucking loser sometimes. Any ideas?

Ok so this is the lamest thing. I love Mr. Kinney. He's interesting and smart and cute too boot, but he's lame. He has taken his site down, because someone said/did something to disrespect him or his journal or his likeness. I don't know. One thing is for sure; I wish the bastard would come back or just really disappear off the journal superhighway all together. Maybe I'm not in the know, I'm not a cool kid on the playground, because I don't know about his new improved site, but one thing is for sure, I'm tired of going and seeing a new anecdote everyday. He says good bye, and then he's back with and update or an article, or a new background. I wish he would cut the cord and vanish or be there for good. I'm tired and I miss ya partner.

So the new TIVO went in today, I called tech support as instructed, in order to update the serial number of the new unit to match the old access card. Blah nothing interesting there, however I have to wait 2-3 days for the service to collect and download the complete program guide. Do they know how many episodes of AbFab I'll be missing or how I will ever get over my Ryan Phillippe wish list selections being disreagarded? Or how about all the crap I have saved on the other TIVO? Whatever will I do?

So Colleen, Nicole, Bobby, and I all went to dinner tonight. We had drinks, we ate way too much, and we lusted over and fantasized about too many boys. Colleen seriously needs to get laid before she goes nuts. I mean everyone looked good to her tonight. The waiter, the managers, and even the hostess would have probably gotten lucky if we would have had a few more drinks. Really it was a good time all around. I miss getting together with the girls, just to talk and hang out; we should try to do it at least once a week, instead of once a month.

I had more the ramble about, but to be honest, I'm tired and gotta hit the hay, but I have some pictures to post tomorrow with my take and shameful comments about the prisoner abuse scandal....I can't help the way I feel.

I picked Bobby up around 6pm, then we went to eat at Chilis and then we preceded home. He's been in bed and snoring for roughly 1.5 hours and I'm really glad he's home. It's amazing how much I miss him during the weeks while he's not here. However, when he is home, I almost cannot wait for him to leave again. Is that bad? I'm just absolutely accustomed to being alone around the house now. He's been traveling every week for 4 years now and I'm here doing my own thing, going to school, and trying to get out. Don't get me wrong, it's great when he's here, and I love him. So he's home all next week, which is great cause now next week during my breaks between classes (the bar and finance), we can meet up for lunch and just hang out mostly. I'm pretty excited about that; not only do I not have to get up early on Mon. to take him to the airport and also not wonder if he's coming back, we can just relax, and mainly he can relax. That should be fun.

Speaking of going out to lunch we are supposed to get together with Colleen and Nicole tomorrow. I guess we will decide on the day’s events sometime tomorrow. Colleen is finally getting her name taken off her and Jim's accounts and moving on hopefully with things now. That stupid break up was hard for her and still is, so now things should start to be easier as far as getting over the whole idea. I'm glad for her, and I hope she knows that.

I wanted to start scrap booking over my vacation, which never really happened. On e-bay I found alot of scrap booking paper, tools and embellishments and bought them all. I started a small little book about our trip to San Fran., but got bored quite quickly with it. Lately I just cannot focus on one thing for very long. So blah. The whole reason behind the scrap booking was too preserve my grandmothers pictures, and letters, and the such now that she died. See, she had a rather large collection of old family photos, many of which no one left in the family actually recognize. Some of the guys are hot, which makes it kinda dirty since they could be cousins or great uncles...or whatever. So that was the reason to scrapbook, but that has fallen to the side and is not a priority. Now I think I’ll just put the all in archival albums and be done with it all. See grandma was fierce in her day, and I just want to give her the props she deserves, and really the wait is over.

St. Louis 1925 Grandma (sitting) & Her Sister, during their boarding school years.

Desktop Image 

Ain't that a hot desktop? Yeah I know it's lame but it fits me. Link It

Carlos Morales is by far one of my favorite performers too date. He's very sexy, very large and very Latin. Seems lately that I have a very deep interest in Latin culture and Latin men in general, which is sorta odd, because I once was a single white male kinda man, but no so much now. Take Carlos for instance...

I mean Bammm, he's a hot and spicy drink of water. I feel like Emeril trying to explain the Shrimp Gumbo, his momma used to make. You should certainly check Carlos out, if you’re into that sorta thing, and by thing I mean a Hot, Hung, Powerbottom.

On another note, I've started trying to make this place a little more like home. A slight link here and a tiny URL here and everything is coming along peachy. So yeah that's me up there at the top...I was on a plane back from Seattle, and the pic was taken upside-down, while the camera was on the tray table. Yes, I'm that cute. I also added a chatter box which seems to be pretty cool, we'll see how long it lasts, go leave a short message. I also added that audio blog option, which will come in handy one day most likely. Finally, the site meter was added to keep track of who and what and where people are visiting from, which fascinates me to no end. So in recap, some things are changed and you better love them, because I certainly do.

Bobby comes home today, I'll have to leave in a few hours to pick him up, and then we'll go have dinner and all will be well in the kingdom. Just called him to check and see what time his flight arrives, and no answer. Waiting makes me sick.

Golden Gate 

This is more or less a test of the picture posting thingy. So it seems to work, sooo I'm excited. Hopefully soon I'll get a new design going, but this one will do for now.
I'm gonna move there some day. San Francisco I mean. I went there in September, and it makes me think about reason's why I didn't try to go to another school in another state. Why me, why you, why am I still in Texas. Yack, Right? Yeah I know, but really, don't you just want a change sometime? A new home, a new city, new boys to look at on the street. I know I do, so that's why I'm looking into grad. school on the west coast. Maybe even the east coast, but I'm not going to school in the middle anymore. Ok so bed is really where I'm going now!!

So, yeah...I'm going to start doing this again. I've tried for years to keep this srota thing up and going and just havn't had the time or energy to deliver, but now it's summer, school is slow, and I'm just tired of being the only person without one of these things.
See really the reason I want to do this is tooooo, be pretty much like everyone else. Just like you bitches that have these great journals, (which I read almost daily). I guess it's just envy getting the best of me, but one day I'll be the next big thing. Yeah right!!!
So today was school, and long day of drinking wine and finance. So beverage survey class is a joke, we go, listen to the prof. and sample a little wine and talk about it. All we really need is alittle dark light, a piano, and a Liza (drag queen) and all would be good with the world. Really I got tipsy yesterday, on one ounce of wine, and this ain't no box wine, this was primo stuff from target, but really I swear I was drunk. So tday I drank only two ounces, and was fine. Next finance I love, although I'm lost. The prof. is fun, I'm interested, and I only have to wait 4 hours between the bar (beverage class) and finance so the buzz is very much gone before I get there. Good times. Then I drove home and ate, crap Taco Bell, and now I'm going to bed.