I think I’ve been in a slump for about 4 years now, maybe longer. It all really started when I moved away to college. I couldn't wait to get out of my mom's house. Don't get me wrong, it was never her that made me want to leave, but more like the small town mentality that didn't really fit me. That mentality kept me bottled up as a person. However, every since the first semester I've never really been myself. Moving did not change who I was, it just helped me too change my view and realize; people are very much the same no matter where you live. So I thought being in a new larger place would change me and then change everyone else. It hasn't and it could not have been farther from the truth. Recently I've felt very disconnected from my friends. I mean all friends, even people from high school, which I grew up with. Being from that small town, we all knew each other and our parents might have even grown up together. I've pretty much been non existent to most everyone from the past, many are/where some of my closest friends. It's been so bad that one of my very best friends also goes to UNT and we once lived in the same building. Now we have not seen each other or even talked in about 3 years. I'm not even sure if he's graduated or still in the area. That's sad to me, and still I do nothing to change things. I want to talk to him, but I’m not sure what to say. I just feel we've grown apart now instead of growing up together. I'm gay and he knows that, his family and a few mutual friends have told me. He even said "I wish Morgan would just talk to me, and tell me he's gay." You see, I don't tell anyone, ever. Wes needs to ask me and then I'll be glad to tell him. I miss him alot, as well as other friends. Another friend, April, calls all the time, but I don't want to answer the phone. We don't have anything in common much anymore. She's married, with a kid, and she just wants to be nosey. She's heard threw the grapevine about me and still leaves messages like, "I guess you're busy with all those GIRLS." Yeah, I’m busy fixin their hair and helping them pick out a bra to make the tits pop up and out. I guess by big deal is lying to them, I want them to care enough to ask and then maybe I’ll talk with them again and share some stuff about me, now. I have a few more friends (that I wish I were still in touch with) but I won't go into that now.
We've had a shit load of rain these past 9 days. Some areas have had 12+ inches. Another front of showers is actually on its way into the area tonight. I'm not even sure if I’ll be able to go to school tomorrow because of flooding and road closures. It very strange haw the weather has been around here the last two years. This makes me think of the polar ice caps melting and changing weather patterns, leading to "The Day After Tomorrow." We have not had that much rain at my house, but I know Denton was getting about 3 inches an hour. So blah.
The Reagan funeral proceedings have been all over TV today. I watched most of it actually. I don't really remember him as president. I don't really have a clear idea of what he did, or even if I have a real opinion of him and a person, but I do know that he was old and had a disease that consumed him everyday for ten years. It was his time to go and Nancy is still fabulous!
