Ground Floor

Sunday "fat" Update 7
So this is the weight loss graph so far (if you were unsure). Under 300 and falling. I changed to the graph since it makes more sense.
No calls today either, so I'm back to the drawing board. I'll give him a ring tomorrow after 10am and then if still no change in status, I'll be frantically hunting a job for the next three days. I just cannot spend another semester in school so this has to be it. Blah!! Pray/chant/drink/smoke or whatever else you do in my honor, and wish me cosmic luck of the draw. Thanks.

After this lovely comment, I felt good for the rest of the day. Thank you Matthew! Do you have a blog? Drop me a line and let me know..okay? Your profile is not viewable, and I certainly would love to read about you, if I already haven't.

Even though I like the complementary comments, you've only achieved true meaning once you get some hate mail. (I'm not encouraging it)

No word on the job as of yet, he did tell me he would be in touch on Sunday, so I'll take his word for that. Nothing else is really going on, the olympics are almost over, summer is not far behind, and things are at a stand still.

Talked to my nosey neighbor today. She is a great source of info. on the happinings around our apartment. "They got evicted....She's the crazy cat lady....He's a registered sex offender.....He's cheating on his wife." That list goes on and on. Do you have a question about your neighbor? Let me know, I'll ask her, and then get back to you with an answer ASAP. I really like people like this though, but I am worried what she tells people about us. "They are the gays." I'm sure.

Had one today, and I hope all went well. To me it did, I was in there almost an hour and overall felt confident about the conversation, questions, and my shoes; but still I'm not sure. School starts back up next week and if I'm gainfully employed, this will be the last semester I have to drive 62 miles each day.

How are you?

I'm tossing and turning, because I can't get things out of my head. Things from the past, things from today, or even the future. I was just thinking about the evaluations I turned in late last semester for Quantity Lab, and how much of an idiot I was for that, I shoulda known better. Also about an interview today, and how that went okay, but now I'm questioning the job and if they even like me, and what if they call tomorrow and what will I say? Then there's school, and whether I'll even graduate and what will I do then? I am repeating the interview conversation in my head, that's how I cope with things I repeat my entire life in my head. Is this normal? I think about kicking Julie Black in kindergarten at the lunch table, making her spill her milk, and I fell stupid for that. I can remember feeling so bad about lying to my grandmother about being a Christian. I'm scared of new things, change, and myself. I'm shy, and just like my mother when it comes to things that have to be done. Like calling the cable company, or the doctor’s office, or even my own friends fearing that they might judge me, or talk about me. I don't like dealing, and that's what is hurting me the most. Good night...eventually.

Sunday "fat" Update 5 & 6

So I sorta fell off the wagon while in Chicago, even though I worked out everyday I was there, and walked a ton, the food still got the best of me. But this week I droped that weight plus one pound. 15 lbs, not too bad.

...later that same year, I had been home from camp maybe two weeks, we get a call at the house letting us know that the Christian Academy I was currently attending had decided to close it's doors. Great...that gave us two weeks to enroll in public school. Well I was afraid, I had never been to public school, I was sheltered and naive. So I tested and enrolled as an eighth grader at the local junior high. I tried to look at the bright side of things and decided I would make a complete turn around and try my best to fit in and make new friends. The best way to do this would be to join the football team?!?! Yeah, it worked just as planned...anyway, I had never set foot in a locker-room, we didn't have one at the old school, we didn't have a team of any kind, and we certainly didn't shower at school. I got fitted that same day I enrolled, and was given my first jock strap. That day marked a definite turning point to my sexual explorations. (another confession for a different time) School starts and football practice also get underway. The first day we just suit up and go over the purpose behind of practices and getting to know each other...blah blah blah. This is where I started really looking at guys. They would change in front of me, and that was totally new. I had only seen my uncle naked, that hot naked shower camper, oh and Jason S. in third grade, I saw his huge 18 y/o penis at the urinal once, but that was about the extent of my naked adventures. I spent the next two weeks scoping out the note worthy guys and then spent the remainder of the semester starring at them any chance I got. I was discreet of course, but let me explain, I'm not really flaming in my actions, but as people at home tell me now, everyone knows, they just don't "know" I'm gay. They know but I haven’t told them, I guess?! So I continue...I'm starring for about three weeks, and one day Jay (hottie, blonde, blue) bumps into me as I'm going into the bathroom area in the locker-room and grabs his dick through his pants and tells me to "get on [my] knees and suck his big cock." I blushed and went about my business. I almost did and wanted to, and would have if it wasn't out in the open. I mean he asked for it, and it wasn't playful or joking, he was serious. So either this is common or people suspected even then. I guess word got around because the next week Alex (dumb jock, 10th grader held back two years) came up to me while we were changing and put his dick in my face and said "suck my big cock." As I think back on this whole thing I really should have, but I was too shy. Alex lived in the house behind mine at the time and I could have easily walked over and taken him up on the offer. He was overly developed, everywhere since he was 2 years older than most of us. Then toward the end of the season Wayne (another dumb jock, held back) does the exact same thing to me, and he was hotter to me, because he had knocked up this eighth grade Erica, so I knew his shit was all good and I knew he was having sex which was really a turn on to me at that age, since I wasn't. After the season ended, and semesters changed, I had to drop P.E. because of class conflicts and never got to scope those bodies again. We all graduated together, but were not really friends and rarely spoke. I never did "suck their huge cocks", but I sure wish I would have. Flash forward too Spring 2003...my grandmother was very ill and was in the hospital, so I was making weekly trips home to see her after classes and stuff here. I park and get out of my car and walk up and push the elevator button, and while I'm waiting guess who comes up behind me and is also waiting for the elevator??? Jay...his sister was having/had a baby and he was coming to visit her. We road up to the third floor together, not one word was spoken, until he stepped off and he turned and said "it's good to see you again." I smiled and the doors closed, and I got off on the 5th floor. I saw his dad later on, but not him. So what does that mean..."good to see you again?" Does he still want me to suck his cock, or he knows my not so secret, secret...or he was really glad to see me? No clue. He didn't look as good as I remembered, and I musta grown a foot after graduation, because he was a short little guy, and he was always taller than me. I really do regret not experimenting more, and that was as good a chance as any. More confessions later.

Unlike Billy Boy I'm actually thrilled with my results on this web site.



#1 Alec Balwin


#2 Mickey Rourke


#3 Luke Perry

I'm not so sure about Luke Perry, but the other two I've always had a major boner for, so it's all good. Two outta three ain't bad...right?

I have a hard time forgetting things that have happened in the past. Once in 2nd grade, a group of kids and myself were jumping rope in the parking lot right in front of the house we went to school in. It was my turn, and I was jumping and we would sing that "Cinderella dressed in yella, went up stairs to kiss a fella" and I messed up about that time and wanted another go. Of course everyone told me it wasn't my turn anymore, and I threw a fit, a BITCH FIT. I wanted it my way and since they wouldn't let me go again, I assumed they didn't like me and didn't want me to play ever again. So basically I looked stupid and was a big old baby. That's one of my more stupid memories, which I would rather forget, or better yet erase all together. But one good memory, from the summer of 94 brings a smile to my face even now. Everything started off in late May with church camp; it was my first and only year to attend. Going to a small Christian school, for 8 years, and each year the school grew smaller; soon I was the only kid in my grade, and not to mention the only guy as well. We were on our way, 3 girls and myself, along with two sponsors. We arrived early, and the custom was for the guys and girls to stay on opposite side of the camp, which we did; and it was also custom for the kids from the same church to be placed in the same cabins, and well I'm the only guy. I soon find out I'm in a huge cabin, with an entire church group from another church, fine right? Well I was scared; it was my first time at camp, my first time away by myself, and the first time with a large group of strangers. Thank god they were a nice group of guys, all ranging from ages 11-18. I was actually in heaven, even though I didn't "know" I was gay at the time, but I sure did like looking at the new boys in my cabin. So every night we had to pray before bed, and we go around the room and each say something. I broke down sobbing, because I felt alone, but I lied and said I was crying because they were all so nice and made me feel like one of them. That helped me out, even if they thought I was pathetic, they all still talked to me. A few days pass, and I've gotten to know alot of the guys and they are super nice. One morning about 5am the oldest guy (18) was up early and showering, and I felt compelled to get up and go.... well I don't know what I was going to do, but I did get out of bed and watch him shower. I stood behind the largest wall in the open shower and just watched him. He had the best body I had ever seen at the time and a really great tan, and penis and everything. I think he knew I was watching, and from that point on he woke up every day at 4:30/5am and showered and everyday I got up and watched, I'm sucha perv. But that's not the biggest moment of my entire camp experience. There was this guy, Nate, who was 16 and beautiful and blonde and sweet. He would sit and talk to me for hours down on the river and really wanted to get to know me. We would sneak off and talk and he would play the guitar and sing things he wrote and I was swooning big time. He told me I reminded him of a character in a horror movie he once saw. It was because "I was quiet, but one day would wake up and kill everyone with a chainsaw." Or something along those lines, I took that as a complement. So on the last night at camp, we had a big party and he took me off in the woods and we kissed. Ok I had never kissed a girl much less a guy, and was sorta freaked out, but soon got into it. We were in the woods, off to the side of the party, making out and groping hardcore and then his sponsor, came looking for us and walked up on us rolling around on the ground sorta dry humping each other. He (the sponsor) pulled us apart, and said, "stop fighting" and I guess from a distance that looked like what we were doing, but we were at second base. The sponsor threatened to tell my sponsors and send a letter to our parents telling them we were fighting. I didn't care. So he told us if we both promised to not fight again, and pray for forgiveness in our last group prayer meeting before bed, then he forget the whole thing. We agreed, and that night we both spoke and asked for god to forgive our childish actions, but secretly inside I was praying Nate would get into my bunk that night, but he didn’t. We left the next morning, after my shower peep show, and I left camp feeling like a man. I've never told anyone this story, I never spoke to Nate again, more confessions to come.

I'm back from Chicago, and have not really had a chance to post since then, but I will soon, even now I'm trying to find a job, one that's easy and fool proof and all around thinkless, I'm leaning toward Subway. I have to find an internship in the industry and right now this seems like a good option. What about Hilton and Marriot? You ask. Well yeah that seems like a better decsion with more growth, but that's what I'm afraid of. I have a new job phobia and I don't know how to get over it. I'm scared of new things and people and everything. What's wrong with me? Any ideas for a internship out there? Just has to been in the Hospitality/Service industry and flexible with hours. I only have to average 15 hours a week but will work 40+, I've done that most of college and will do it again afterwards. Regardless of my fears, I'm a hard worker, and learn quickly, and take pride in my work. So think of this as an invitation/begging plea for some help or advice or a lead.

Thanks

I love this concept, being able to run a background check on a trick before you give them head. HOTT STUFF.

So things here in Chicago are cool so far, and by cool I mean the city and the weather. Thia is another place on my list of cities, that "I will move to some day." The food is great the people have been too and the overall I like it alot. Now that I've said that, I'll have a melt down, or something. Okay that's it for now. Oh, yeah, the "Sunday fat Update"....
"Sunday fat Update #4"

Last Week: 305
This Week: 301
Total Lost: 14.8

So not too bad for 1 month? Okay later haterz!

Ok, so I'll be gone from Aug. 6th until Aug. 13th, I'm going to Chicago for the first time and am looking forward to it. It's Market Days, so my weekend is already booked, and next week Bobby is working and I'll be left in the city by myself, so not sure what I'll be doing during the day at least. I'll be going here most likely, I'm a fan of the strip club. We'll also most likey visit a leather bar or two, since I seem to be quite into that, and that's all so far. If anyone is in the area, maybe we can have dinner, I've put that out once before but no real takers. Lotsa stuff has been going on but I don't have time to write it all now...so maybe I'll get a chance on the trip. I'm gonna try out the audio blog posting thingy, so stay tuned.

I love everyone and at least think of me while I'm away. Kisses.

~M

Seems the Kabbalah water might be backing up on Madonna.

Oh yeah and yesterday was the two month birthday of this blog. It's going through the terrible two's; so to speak.

Is Madonna’s marriage on the borderline?
Plus: Tom Cruise hopes to get married again

Yui Mok / AP file
Buzz about Madonna's supposed marital problems is heating up.
By Jeannette Walls
MSNBC
Updated: 2:35 a.m. ET Aug. 3, 2004Is Madonna’s marriage on the rocks?

Buzz about supposed marital discord between the Material Girl and her filmmaking hubby has been heating up, and now comes a report that Guy Ritchie threatened to punch out Madonna’s rabbi.

After one of Madonna’s Kabbalah advisors kept giving her advice backstage, Ritchie grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and declared that he was going to “break your face,” according to the London Sun. Madonna responded by pulling off her hubby and screaming at him not to “embarrass” her, and then they went off.

Madonna’s rep didn’t respond to The Scoop’s requests for comment by deadline.

Madonna and Ritchie have long had a tempestuous relationship, though it seemed to have settled down lately when they both became interested in Kabbalah. Ritchie, says a couple who knows them, was initially skeptical of the controversial religion, but eventually became more deeply involved than his wife. Tension has resurfaced while Madonna has toured, according to insiders, because Ritchie’s been overwhelmed by the enthusiasm of some of Madonna’s fans.

“Madonna was clearly bummed out at one concert,” says a source. “She was in such a foul mood, she didn’t want to go out and perform. But then the crowd was great, and that got her all charged up. She draws a lot of energy from the crowd’s love. I guess that’s part of the problem.”


Linky

So I decided to follow in the footsteps of Bingo and Billy even though no one asked me for my pic. Here goes: seems like I look sad but I'm not really, just being shady. Just taken with my i-sight. Please I need your acceptance....really it's just a joke!

• Sometimes I wish people were listening. I talk to lots of people each week but I fell like it’s one sided and no one is listening to me. Maybe it’s just me.
• Sometimes I wish I was more out-spoken, and could actually talk about everything that’s on my mind in a coherent manner.
• Sometimes I wish I was a different person. Someone with everything I don’t feel like I have. Someone with a rich life. Someone with excellent drive and direction, on a path.
• Sometimes I wish I would have gone to a better school. A place with traditions and strong alumni base, and somewhere people actually care about.
• Sometimes I wish I would have chosen a major that didn’t force us to participate in a 380 hour internship that will most likely, have nothing to do with what I will do in the future.
• Sometimes I wish Bobby was 10 years younger, and had more manners and social skills.
• Sometimes I wish I could tan, and not be eternally pasty white.
• Sometimes I wish I had tons of money, and not to spend, but just to feel secure for the rest of my life.
• Sometimes I wish I believed in religion and could really understand where people are coming from.
• Sometimes I wish that one day I’ll have children that I can teach and love and be proud of as people.
• Sometimes I wish I went out (to clubs) more than I have, but really that’s not who I am.
• Sometimes I wish I could put all my discretions behind be and just not worry day to day, I stress over everything.
• Sometimes I wish that one day I’ll have a great home that will feel safe and be the meeting place for everyone.
• Sometimes I wish I was more creative and not just in the middle of everything.
• Sometimes I wish I was more witty, and had a wicked sense on humor.
• Sometimes I wish I knew when to stop listing things.
  

  I THINK IT'S SERIOUSLY TIME FOR THERAPY!!
  
  

Sunday "fat" Update. Things seem to be moving along quite nicely. Feel free to send all admiration/cash rewards to that little Amazon pay thingy at the bottom. I'll buy myself alittle something.