Ground Floor

I'm tossing and turning, because I can't get things out of my head. Things from the past, things from today, or even the future. I was just thinking about the evaluations I turned in late last semester for Quantity Lab, and how much of an idiot I was for that, I shoulda known better. Also about an interview today, and how that went okay, but now I'm questioning the job and if they even like me, and what if they call tomorrow and what will I say? Then there's school, and whether I'll even graduate and what will I do then? I am repeating the interview conversation in my head, that's how I cope with things I repeat my entire life in my head. Is this normal? I think about kicking Julie Black in kindergarten at the lunch table, making her spill her milk, and I fell stupid for that. I can remember feeling so bad about lying to my grandmother about being a Christian. I'm scared of new things, change, and myself. I'm shy, and just like my mother when it comes to things that have to be done. Like calling the cable company, or the doctor’s office, or even my own friends fearing that they might judge me, or talk about me. I don't like dealing, and that's what is hurting me the most. Good night...eventually.