Ground Floor

I have a hard time forgetting things that have happened in the past. Once in 2nd grade, a group of kids and myself were jumping rope in the parking lot right in front of the house we went to school in. It was my turn, and I was jumping and we would sing that "Cinderella dressed in yella, went up stairs to kiss a fella" and I messed up about that time and wanted another go. Of course everyone told me it wasn't my turn anymore, and I threw a fit, a BITCH FIT. I wanted it my way and since they wouldn't let me go again, I assumed they didn't like me and didn't want me to play ever again. So basically I looked stupid and was a big old baby. That's one of my more stupid memories, which I would rather forget, or better yet erase all together. But one good memory, from the summer of 94 brings a smile to my face even now. Everything started off in late May with church camp; it was my first and only year to attend. Going to a small Christian school, for 8 years, and each year the school grew smaller; soon I was the only kid in my grade, and not to mention the only guy as well. We were on our way, 3 girls and myself, along with two sponsors. We arrived early, and the custom was for the guys and girls to stay on opposite side of the camp, which we did; and it was also custom for the kids from the same church to be placed in the same cabins, and well I'm the only guy. I soon find out I'm in a huge cabin, with an entire church group from another church, fine right? Well I was scared; it was my first time at camp, my first time away by myself, and the first time with a large group of strangers. Thank god they were a nice group of guys, all ranging from ages 11-18. I was actually in heaven, even though I didn't "know" I was gay at the time, but I sure did like looking at the new boys in my cabin. So every night we had to pray before bed, and we go around the room and each say something. I broke down sobbing, because I felt alone, but I lied and said I was crying because they were all so nice and made me feel like one of them. That helped me out, even if they thought I was pathetic, they all still talked to me. A few days pass, and I've gotten to know alot of the guys and they are super nice. One morning about 5am the oldest guy (18) was up early and showering, and I felt compelled to get up and go.... well I don't know what I was going to do, but I did get out of bed and watch him shower. I stood behind the largest wall in the open shower and just watched him. He had the best body I had ever seen at the time and a really great tan, and penis and everything. I think he knew I was watching, and from that point on he woke up every day at 4:30/5am and showered and everyday I got up and watched, I'm sucha perv. But that's not the biggest moment of my entire camp experience. There was this guy, Nate, who was 16 and beautiful and blonde and sweet. He would sit and talk to me for hours down on the river and really wanted to get to know me. We would sneak off and talk and he would play the guitar and sing things he wrote and I was swooning big time. He told me I reminded him of a character in a horror movie he once saw. It was because "I was quiet, but one day would wake up and kill everyone with a chainsaw." Or something along those lines, I took that as a complement. So on the last night at camp, we had a big party and he took me off in the woods and we kissed. Ok I had never kissed a girl much less a guy, and was sorta freaked out, but soon got into it. We were in the woods, off to the side of the party, making out and groping hardcore and then his sponsor, came looking for us and walked up on us rolling around on the ground sorta dry humping each other. He (the sponsor) pulled us apart, and said, "stop fighting" and I guess from a distance that looked like what we were doing, but we were at second base. The sponsor threatened to tell my sponsors and send a letter to our parents telling them we were fighting. I didn't care. So he told us if we both promised to not fight again, and pray for forgiveness in our last group prayer meeting before bed, then he forget the whole thing. We agreed, and that night we both spoke and asked for god to forgive our childish actions, but secretly inside I was praying Nate would get into my bunk that night, but he didn’t. We left the next morning, after my shower peep show, and I left camp feeling like a man. I've never told anyone this story, I never spoke to Nate again, more confessions to come.