Ground Floor

the straight language. Well at least I don't speak it. I don't get the whole head nod thingy and the "what’s up?" I don't get the whole hand shake/out/slap thing. I'm generalizing here, but I am talking in general. Not all straight guys do this stuff, but many do. I just don't get it, what do I say in return? I just shake people's hands, I don't follow that slappy things. I feel so awkward pretending, and that’s exactly what I do. Today my boss and I were in his office and I was doing admin stuff on the computer and he was returning his many phone calls. So he's on the phone with the admin. assistant at corporate headquarters, "blah blah blah, how's the weather?...can you transfer me to Mr. Doo-hinkey?" And then he looks up at me and says "man that girl I was talking to is smoking." I'm like, "she should stop that it's bad for her health." He laughed. He likes off the wall humor. I can't really respond to that stuff...

This reminds me of the Olympics and how everyone loved Timmy. That everyone included my mother. She thought his doo-doo didn't stink and she would definitely let him eat crackers in her bed. One night we were talking and she asked me "don't you like him? He’s my boy, I just love him and he's the best swimmer ever." I agreed with her that he was a great swimmer and exciting to watch but that "I like him cause he's in hot pants with his floppy bits hangin' out." She was silent at first but later agreed, so apparently mom and I have the same tastes.

So hopefully one day my boss will say "did you see that guy upstairs, his ass was fierce!" Maybe then I will be able to respond "I heard that girl." That's a language I can comprehend. Dreams!!